NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR

“On a train bound for Hell, God and Satan decide the fates of three unfortunate mortals. So goes the setup for this infamous ‘80s horror anthology, whose stories are pieced together from the butchered remains of three other movies like some kind of hilariously WTF Frankenstein’s monster.” -- Shudder

As a species, we’ve struggled for thousands of years to make sense of the world around us. Then NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR shows up and ruins everything. Two senior citizens named Mr. God and Mr. Satan discuss the fates of various individuals. Each person's story unfolds on a magic screen. Within, we find Richard "Bull from NIGHT COURT" Moll, a giant claymation tarantula demon, a 15-pound bee, satanic occultism, Richard Moll again, horrible slayings, horrible-er nudity, Nazis, and Cameron Mitchell. While Mr. God and Mr. Satan continue their discussion, an aerobics crew perform a synchronized song 'n' dance to a disco-synth jam with a chorus that says: "I want it. I want it a lot." Each segment of this movie was shortened from a full-length feature -- one of which was never completed -- and then probably edited together by a five-year-old with three fingers and some scotch tape. Keep in mind that all of this happens on a train.